In the previous article, I opened by writing about your relationship with silence and solitude as one of the three relationships that underlie and set the table for your relationship with yourself and with others. In this article, I write about and discuss how to develop a relationship with your truths as a way to support your life and help it flourish.
: : : Your relationship with your truths : : :
Cultivating a relationship with your truths is a practice I do regularly. It happens when I journal and come face to face with my hopes, dreams, fears, frustrations, personal triumphs and failures, and experiences that humble me. The greatest benefit of cultivating a relationship with my truths is that I gain clarity, and therefore strength, in how I move through life. One way I do this practice is I identify and write about my limiting beliefs, outdated ideas, unexamined assumptions, and hidden fears.
One of my objectives in 2024 is to take my work as a life coach to the next level in terms of reach and impact. This objective is intimately guided by my purpose in life. I have had, however, related setbacks and challenges regarding this objective. Therefore, one of the things I’ve begun to do over the past few months has been to look at the “truths” that stand behind how I approach or operate in certain areas of my life. This kind of “brutally honest” introspection can be very fruitful; I was both shocked and amused to find a not-very-short list of beliefs, ideas assumptions, and fears still hiding in the shadows of my consciousness.
By using a set of questions, which I provide below, I have felt empowered to move forward in ways I did not before. The outcomes I will realise remain to be seen, but I do feel the invisible shackles around my ankles released. Without further ado, here is the list of questions you can use to cultivate a relationship with your truths:
Reflect on recent (or past) negative or regrettable experiences. What were the limiting beliefs that guided your actions in these experiences?
Reflect on recent (or past) negative or regrettable experiences. What were the outdated ideas that informed your thoughts and actions in relationship to these experiences?
Reflect on recent (or past) negative or regrettable experiences. What were the assumptions that misguided you in relationship to these experiences?
Reflect on recent (or past) negative or regrettable experiences. What were the fears that prevented you from seeing clearly or acting courageously and authentically throughout these experiences?
Apart from these negative and regrettable experiences, how have these beliefs, ideas, assumptions, and fears sapped your energy and limited your potential? Consider the intimate relationship, social, work, school, health, and financial aspects of your life.
By taking the time to work through the above questions, you will allow the light of your truths to chase away the shadows of your willful or unintentional ignorance. A relationship with your truths is then possible.
How might you relate to these old and defunct friends of your’s? Will you criticize them and drive them further underground? Will you turn away and pretend you never saw them? Or will you relate to them and where they came from in a compassionate manner so that when you let them go it will be for good? Your relationship with your old unhelpful truths, are like relationships with other people in that its dissolution should be based on a profound understanding that the status quo is no longer acceptable and that change must happen. Then and only then will the new relationships you want to develop with helpful “truths” be undisturbed and free to take root.
Use the following questions to help you release your old unhelpful truths:
With which person(s) and past memories am I maintaining a psychological tie by perpetuating these unhelpful beliefs, ideas, and assumptions?
What are the positive contributions these unhelpful beliefs, ideas, and assumptions to my psychological reality? The obvious ones are a sense of security, safety, connection, love, or importance.
How may I gain a sense of security, safety, connection, love, or importance in a constructive manner once these old unhelpful truths are gone?
What do I need in order to find the courage to cut these ties?
What is a symbolic action I may do to cut the ties between myself and these unhelpful beliefs, ideas, and assumptions? Some examples include writing down on a piece of paper all of the “truths” you want to release, then tear it up or burn it. Another is writing a letter to the person who first “gave” you these unhelpful templates of reality and tell him you thank him for this “gift” but you no longer need or want it. The letter does not need to be actually sent. Then, you may burn this letter and imagine the person received it and gives his blessings for you to move on without the burden he inadvertently passed on to you.
What other strategies can I use to sever my ties with these limiting beliefs, outdated ideas, unexamined assumptions, and hidden fears?
Use the following questions to help you discover and define your new helpful truths:
What is a new belief that would help me to take one step toward a reality where my experience of life is good, beautiful, and abundant?
What is a new assumption that would help me to take one step toward a state of mind of trust, stability, and discernment?
What is a new idea that would help me become more open-minded, curious, inspired?
If I look at a person who has the qualities and life I admire, what might be the beliefs, assumptions, and ideas this person has about herself, about her past failures and regrets, and about her future?
I cordially invite you to make use of the above sets of questions in your journaling and introspection whenever you consistently run into the same types of obstacles or similar bad experiences. Life wants us to move toward in a way where we create and experience that which is beautiful and awe-inspiring for our selves. Tap into this desire and wait not one second more to face the truths you know you must.
[This is end of the article for June 2024. Part 3 of 3 of “Three Relationships Worth Cultivating” to be continued next month]
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